THE INTERVIEWER: We’ll start by getting you to say your name and spell it so we have it for the video.
DAVID STRIPED WOLF: My English name?
Q. Yes.
DAVID STRIPEDWOLF: David Stripedwolf.
Q. Can you spell that please?
A. S-t-r-i-p-e-d W-o-l-f.
Q. Where are you from, David?
A. Standoff, also known as the Blood Reserve.
Q. And which Residential School did you attend?
A. St. Mary’s Roman Catholic School. It’s on the Blood Reserve.
Q. How old were you when you started there?
A. Ten.
Q. And how many years were you there?
A. I was there until I was sixteen. I stayed there six years.
Q. Do you remember what it was like when you first started? Do you remember your first day and why you went?
A. I didn’t really understand. I knew I was going to be away from my home and my community. My grandparents kind of prepared me about what to expect. They kind of helped having that feeling you are going to the unknown. I was only ten years old. But the fear, the unknown —
Maybe I wasn’t that mature to understand. When I was brought there I was crying. My grandparents told me he had that red letter. He cannot stop. He tried to fight going to Residential School for me but he said I would go to jail because of this red letter. They called it a red letter because it was kind of red or pink. The “black robes” are coming for you. They bring you to school. They said they would bring me to school.
I was brought in a wagon with a team of horses to school. They prepared me. They bought me new clothes to go to school. My sister was ahead of me, about a year or two ahead. But she kind of prepared me what to expect, and some of my cousins had been ahead of me. They tried to tell me what I’m going to see and feel, making it more easy entering into that new world.
I was brought there but I didn’t want to go. I was held onto by my parents but the Priest and the Nuns were very kind and talked to me. My parents bought me some candies and oranges and stuff, because I always had them at home.
Anyways, as soon as they left the Nuns changed their attitude. They slapped me around a little bit to stop me crying. They were very nice when our parents were there. I always remember that. As soon as they walked away they slapped me on the head. “You stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.”
That was the message I had but I wasn’t speaking English. But I was told by the other boys what the Nun was saying. They said, “You had better listen.” They were talking to me in Blackfoot. Of course the older boys are there and they kind of tried to help me. These are the first experiences I got into.
And of course the clothes I had were taken off and they issued me some different school clothes. I always remember that we all had the same coloured shirts and same coloured pants. I remember the shirt they gave me was kind of yellow. Everybody had yellow stripes. You couldn’t tell who was who. We all looked the same. That was one of my first experiences. It was kind of a strange world, a negative experience. I seen younger kids were crying.
We were all sent to bed early. At that time in the fall there was still a lot of light. A lot of these other young ones were all crying. They called it the small boys’ room, way up at the top of that school. A lot of us were crying and of course the Nun was walking around yelling. This I never experienced at home.
The next morning some of the younger ones —
Some were about six years old, younger than me, kind of wet their bed. But the older boys would make them clean it up. These are the things that happened when I first got into the school.
And there was the language. I didn’t speak English yet but the older boys kind of interpreted and explained things to me, where I’m going to go and what they’re saying in this strange language.
Q. What happened if they heard you speak in your language?
A. At the time I was still young but I guess it became kind of a rule that we cannot speak our language. But I was young, still. I had not learned English. But it was forbidden. I guess they couldn’t help it because these older boys had to interpret, talk to me in my language, because I can’t speak English.
Anyways, a lot of things we were told, like to kneel down. As soon as we got up we were told to kneel down. The boys used to tell me you are supposed to kneel down beside your bed. As soon as we got up we’re going to pray. But of course I don’t understand the language and the Nun was praying and the other boys would kind of respond, or reply something. The Nun would be talking.
To me I wouldn’t say a thing for prayers. But I got down, of course.
We all went to our class and here again we prayed. I remember Father (something) was the Priest. He tried to talk in Blackfoot a little bit, but not much. We could understand what he was trying to say, Father (something). I guess they called it Catechism before we started doing the other work.
Anyways I never seen my parents after, or anybody. Today I would say it was a prison.
Q. So you never went home in the summer or for holidays?
A. Never went. I never seen my clothes. I was told my parents could come on Sunday to visit. There was a little room there. But of course having only a wagon and a team of horses and being far away they never came around until about a month later. Just my father came to see me for a while and he gave me some candies. I was crying. I remember when he was going to go I grabbed his leg, you know. Of course the Nun was very nice.
As soon as he went the Nun slapped me around and made me sit down in the corner. I was sent to bed early because I was a bad boy, without my meal. I remember that. Then of course they scared me, the way I was treated. I started to cry. I remember all this.
Those other younger ones too had the same treatment, slapped around and sent to bed.
Q. Did you ever think of running away or did you ever try?
A. I thought about it but I was too young.
I never went home. It was Christmas and I was allowed one week at Christmas time when we were able to go home. They would pick us up and right after Christmas we were sent back. And the same thing we never went home until the end of June. We spent all that time —
These are the other experiences I had.
Then I was told that I cannot be speaking my language. The way I was brought up —
I was brought up with a lot of things like ceremonies. I was forbidden all these things. We were told it was evil and devil worship. They taught just the Christian way. I could never understand it.
I was taught to speak in Latin. I became an altar boy. I was too young and I didn’t know the language, but I learned how to memorize the sound and respond at a certain place when I hear the Priest. I would respond. I was kind of practicing it. They showed us how to be an altar boy. I was too young.
But I never could understand. These are the kind of things that —
Then of course they started introducing movies; cowboys and Indians. The good guys were the Whites. We were the savages. I was too young to see that. Hopalong Cassidy and all those old cowboy movies.
They really put down our culture by the things they say. It was defective. It was not a good culture. This is the way.
If we got caught after I started learning to speak English I was told that I cannot talk. If I get caught talking my language I wouldn’t maybe be allowed to go home any more, like at Christmas which was the only time we get to go home. I would never see my parents. It just happened to me. But my grandparents were kind of (something) just took me out of the school. I couldn’t go home. I was too young. But they didn’t actually bring me home for a few days and bring me back to school.
These are the early experiences I had. These six years I spent I felt ashamed to be an Indian. I was always looking up to the Whites. Even our schoolbooks talked about Columbus discovered the New World and the savage people. You see a picture of Native people, dirty filthy —
How do you know how they looked back then? Then you see the White guys and they are good guys. Then I started going down and feeling ashamed. Why am I an Indian?
After all those years they spent putting that in my head and they started talking about heaven and hell, I never really could understand it. But anyways even today I don’t understand the Christians. I was there for six years.
But we were allowed to go home for about a month in the summer.
Of course we learned to do a lot of things at the school; work, janitor work, washing and sometimes we would go out and help in the barns. Sometimes we helped at the teacher’s house cleaning the yard. But we were kind of forbidden to mix with the girls.
Q. I was going to ask you if you got to see your sister?
A. Pardon?
Q. Did you get to see your sister at all?
A. Not much. Every chance they got they come to me and ask how I was doing. Sometimes I would start crying. They were just like a mother. We looked up to them. But the boys were kind of forbidden to mix with the girls. We were segregated over there. They’ve got their own yard and we’ve got our own. The older boys were segregated, too. They’ve got their yard. They called it the Junior boys.
The older residents couldn’t look after us because the small boys were here and the big boys had different recreation rooms. The small, younger boys had that. As soon as you get older you kind of go —
It always reminded me of the prisons in Canada. You get there, you know, and they give you a badge.
But I remember I was hungry.
THE INTERVIEWER: Cathy, you were saying that his wife wanted to interject and add some stories that he told her. She wanted to remind him.
(David Striped Wolf’s wife) He’s not getting into they can’t even talk in the Dining Room. And if a kid wets his bed he had to carry his blankets through the Dining Room. He had to carry them if he had a wet bed.
And you can’t even talk your language. They get strapped or they get punished. They only had certain hours to go to the bathroom and they can’t get out of their Dorm to go to the bathroom. They were not allowed to drink a lot of water.
See, he left all these out.
Q. Are there some specific memories like that you would like to share?
A. Sometimes I don’t want to talk about it.
— Speaker overcome with emotion.
(David Striped Wolf’s Wife) Sometimes he doesn’t like to talk about it. It brings back bad memories. He doesn’t like to break down.
— A Short Pause
A. Anyways, these are the things that we went through.
But what my wife was saying about the abuse, the physical and mental abuse, the loneliness we went through and seeing the other young kids, you feel helpless because you can’t help them. You were forbidden from doing that. You see the younger boys abused.
There are a lot of things today that I didn’t know because there’s no physical contact to hug somebody. We were forbidden to go and hug somebody or shake hands. There was no contact. You’re a six year old boy or a seven year old boy and you grew up like that. I was like that. A lot of us have problems showing affection to our kids. Sometimes I wanted to hug my kids but I just didn’t. I wasn’t doing that for some time.
I love my kids but I wasn’t the hugging type. Or even to communicate with them. My wife was able to talk to them and hug them and she never really experienced the things we went through.
But today I hug my grand kids but sometimes you feel it. I want a hug. The emptiness you feel. Today I have grand kids and I’m able to do that now myself and hug them, talk to them.
Q. How would you describe your healing journey since Residential School?
A. These are the hurts you go through when you are abused. Of course I started running away from school. As soon as I grew older I was a little wiser. You grow up and start stealing food because I was hungry and stuff like that. We learned how to fight back.
I started running away from school when I was about fifteen years old. I started running away. But I would get caught. The cops would be looking for me and I would get caught and they would bring me back.
Then I would be put in with the small boys because they would be watched. They would take my shoes away. But sometimes I would just take off with no shoes!
As soon as I was sixteen I just wanted to get out of there.
I went out of there in ’59. I just walked out.
(David Striped Wolf’s Wife) Talk about your healing journey.
A. Then of course my grandmother was still alive on my father’s side and on my mother’s side they were still alive. They were still into the culture, the ceremonies. Of course I started drinking.
When I came out of the school I had no self esteem. I was very ashamed. I couldn’t speak English. I was only at Grade 8 level. But I still couldn’t. I was very ashamed that I might make a mistake because as soon as you speak English and you don’t speak correctly, you get slapped around. So I can’t really talk in front of other people.
Then of course I got all mixed up. A lot of us got into alcohol. We discovered it.
My grandparents were very shocked because I was completely changed. I had no respect for my sisters any more. I learned to swear in English. My grandmother was very shocked. I was totally different inside. My grandmother was saying I wasn’t the same boy she had raised. What did they do to you at that school? What did they teach you?
As soon as we got older we knew a lot of things in English that we could swear. A lot of us were doing that.
I started working for the farmers and ranchers to earn money. I learned more English from them. They taught me how to do a lot of work; mechanic work, welding. But I was drinking a lot, every pay day I was drinking. I was lost. My wife was into drinking. But it got so bad that we had kids —
One of my friends came and he told me that he had a religion and perhaps I should join him going there as a partner. That was the Horn Society. He said it would help me. You need to get back.
So I went in there with him, or by myself. I went back. I started going to Elders, kind of reorientating to my way of life and culture. So it took me a whole year to sit down with the Elders and listen to them. I spent hours. Once a month all of us would gather together and the Elders come in and we continued. Every few days I would visit an Elder. We spent hours talking. They kind of prepared me because I was going to join this society.
They started talking about my way of life, the marriage part, my companion, what she is to me and my kids. So this took a whole year.
Q. I’m sorry to interrupt you. We just have to change tapes.
We will change the tape quickly and then we can continue on.
— End of Part 1
— Transcriber’s Note: Tape B2 identified as David Striped Wolf is a duplicate of Tape B1. The story does not continue.