THE INTERVIEWER: Could you please say and spell your name
for us?
TIMOTHY ANTOINE: Timothy Antoine; T-i-m-o-t-h-y A-n-t-o-i-n-e.
Q. And where are you from?
A. Stoney Creek, BC.
Q. What school did you go to?
A. Lejac.
Q. Lejac?
A. Yeah.
Q. That was a Roman Catholic school. Right?
A. Yeah.
Q. Do you remember what years you were there, roughly?
A. No, I don’t remember the dates.
Q. Do you remember your first day?
A. Yeah.
Q. Can you talk about that a little bit?
A. They picked us up on the bus in Stoney Creek. We stopped in
Fraser Lake to have lunch. We had lunch in that little café, and they drove
us to Lejac. We thought we were just going to go for a bus ride for a few
hours. We got into Lejac and the first day it was kind of difficult. I didn’t
know what was going on. They were giving us clothes and showers and
everything like that. It was pretty difficult. I had never had to stay
anywhere —
After that I just blocked it out. We had to stay a week.
Q. Did your parents talk to you about where you were going at all?
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A. No. They just dumped us on the bus and they said we were
going to a school, or something. But I thought it was just a day school. I
was just a kid. I didn’t know anything about it.
Q. Were you 5 in kindergarten?
A. Yeah. I kept continuing staying there and staying there. I was
wondering what was going on. It was really hard. Like I had my brothers
and sisters there.
Q. How many brothers and sisters?
A. Two sisters and one older brother that was there. He kept me
company and watched over me.
Q. Were you allowed to talk to your sisters at all?
A. No. I seen them playing around in the yard. They had us
separated. I seen them playing around but we couldn’t play with them.
Q. Do you remember what a typical day was like, what time you
would have to wake up? Can you just sort of take us through a day?
A. We had to wake up pretty early. I think it was about 6. We had
breakfast. We only had mush. We had breakfast. We took a shower. I
think we went to church instead of school, eh. We were praying more
than going to school. That’s about what I remember.
Q. Do you remember any life before you went to Residential
School when you were able to practice your culture and that sort of thing,
speak your language?
A. When you say “hello” in your language they grab your ear and
hit you with a ruler and make you kneel down in the church so you won’t
speak your language. When you say “hello, how are you doing” in your
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language, the Priest didn’t like that, speaking your language. They would
punish both of us. So we were going to church and praying and saying we
weren’t going to speak our language. That was pretty difficult.
If I stayed with my mom I would have known how to speak with
them and understand them. Now the Elders today when they talk to me in
Indian, I don’t know nothing. I just nod my head and say “yeah”. That
really hurts me.
Q. What about the education you received? Do you think you had
a good education there?
A. No. I didn’t really get an education until I got into another
Catholic school in Vanderhoof. Then we moved to Prince George and I
have stayed here for twenty-five years. I didn’t really get any education. I
just hit the street. I learned street-wise and I got odd jobs here and there.
That’s about it.
I didn’t get any skills out of Lejac.
Q. So how would you describe your experience then at Residential
School?
A. Good and bad. It made me more scared of regulations and
rules, so I always got into trouble with the cops. Even at a young age I
was in the drunk tank and in jail or in trouble in the courts. Since we
moved here that’s all that has been happening to me.
When I grew older I started working for CN at odd jobs where I can
learn, not getting a ticket or anything, just what I can do in labour. That’s
all I’ve been doing all my life, is labour. I don’t have no skills. I learnt how
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to fall on my own. I learned how to buck up, run skidder all on my own. I
didn’t get no ticket for that, eh. Today you need tickets and all this.
Q. Are there any specific situations or things you want to share that
happened to you at Residential School?
A. I just didn’t like the way they gave you a shower and put this
white powder on you and rub it all over you. You don’t know nothing when
you’re a kid and they fondle you and you don’t know they’re sexually
abusing you. We just laughed at one another when they played around
with you, eh. They would just say they were rubbing it on you, for lice and
that. You don’t know anything about that so we just laughed at one
another. We thought it was funny when they were fooling around with
you. They really meant something by it.
Today I just know they were fooling around with me and it hurt me.
I didn’t know they were doing that to me.
Q. I want to talk about how life has been since and your healing.
But before we move on, are there any final things you would like to say
about your experience at Residential School?
A. It would sure have been a lot different if I didn’t go there, I would
have been somebody else, I figure. But for Lejac School, praying so much
and that, I don’t go to churches any more. The only time I go there is
when there’s a death in the family or a death on the Reserve or something
like that. That’s the only time I go to church. Usually I don’t even sit in
there. I wait outside.
Q. Is it too hard to go in, still?
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A. Yeah. I just can’t stand going in there and listening to that
Priest talking like that and doing what he was doing to us in Lejac, eh.
I was just telling them downstairs how come the Nuns and Priests
are not here for doing what they did? How come they’re not feeling guilty?
Why should we feel guilty? They’re not here.
Q. That’s true.
How was life after Residential School? I know you talked a little bit
about it, but maybe you can go into a little more detail.
A. After Residential, I stayed in there for about 5 or 6 years, I think.
They moved us back —
Well, we went home in the summer. They picked us up in the fall,
and that really hurts, leaving your mom after staying for a couple of
months and you’re going back. But when we finished Lejac I went to St.
Mary’s School, and that was worse. We got a spanking from the Priest for
fighting with the other White kids. I just didn’t associate with those other
White kids in that school so they kicked me out. I was getting in trouble.
We moved to Prince George and I started running into friends
around here down the street and then I got into alcohol and sniffing glue
and gas. I never did go to school hardly. So they sent me camping and
trapping for 6 months. I really got into that.
After that I just been going to jail and working, going to jail and
working. Drunk tanks. Suicide, all that. I ended up in hospital a couple of
times for pills and drinking too much.
Q. Are there things that you find lately that are helping, like coming
to something like this, does it help?
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A. Yeah. It still hurts to talk about things, like talking about my
family and that. I don’t talk about my family because it hurts too much.
Just sometimes I ask my mom why did they have to take me, or why did
you let them take me, and she never really gave me the answer.
— Speaker overcome with emotion
Maybe it was because she was hurting, too. She been in Lejac and
she couldn’t deal with it. I don’t know. She never gave me an answer for
why she’s letting us go there, why she let us suffer like that.
Q. She went there, too?
A. Yeah. I don’t know how long she went there. She just told me
she was there for ten years, or something like that, ten or twelve years.
Q. Do you take part in any healing groups at all?
A. No. I talk to friends that I trust, that won’t spread everything out.
My girlfriend, I’ve been talking to her once in a while getting it out.
Q. Does that help?
A. Yeah, a little bit.
Q. Is she understanding?
A. Yeah.
Q. That’s good.
A. She understands what I went through even though she never
did go to Residential School.
Q. What about talking to other survivors? Does that help?
A. Most of them I see they are alcoholics. A lot of them I run into
on the street that I’ve been to school with, they’re drinking or drunk or on
drugs. So I don’t associate with them. I’m trying to quit myself. I’ve been
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sober a year now and I intend to stay like that. Every time I see one of my
friends I went to school with and they’re all pissed up, I don’t want to be
like that again. I don’t want to end up in jail any more. I’m too old for that.
I’m getting too old for that. It’s just hard on me.
Q. Are you working now?
A. I’m supposed to be going back on Monday, but it’s just a Reach
Back UIC thing. They put you to work and jack up your UI more. They
don’t give you any tickets for that. It’s supposed to give you a partial
ticket. I went through it last year but I had to leave for medical reasons.
So they are going to see if they can put me back on this program. It’s a
two-year program. I think it’s just slave labour.
Q. So do you think a lot of the struggles you’ve had are related to
Residential School?
A. Yeah. With the cops and everything like that, I hated people in
uniforms. I don’t know why, maybe it was because of the Priests. I never
trust anybody in a uniform. I always had trouble with cops. I think it
happened because of Residential School.
Q. We can wrap up now if you would like, unless there are any
final things you would like to say?
A. No. That’s all I have to say anyways.
Q. Thank you very much. I’ve heard some terrible things from
Lejac. You are amazing to be sitting here.
A. I wasn’t going to sign up for this because I still couldn’t handle it.
But I thought maybe I had better get on this video and check it out. Maybe
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I’ll get some of the shit out of me that’s been hurting me all my life. It’s
going to be there for a long time.
Q. Every little bit helps. I know people come in here and they talk
about it and it lets something go. It does help a little bit.
A. I don’t know what would happen if I run into that Priest, or if I
ever see them again, I don’t know what will happen. I just hope I don’t run
into them. I would just burst out and go nuts.
Q. A lot of people are saying: Where are those people? What are
they doing?
A. Yeah. I always wondered what happened to them.
Q. I think we need to find them and interview them.
A. Um-hmm. One-on-one.
Q. Well, thank you very much, Tim for coming today. I know it’s
really hard and you did a really great job. Every one of these stories
matters so much. Children for generations are going to see this and learn.
This is never ever going to happen again.
So thank you very much.
A. Thank you for getting some of this out.
— End of Interview