THE INTERVIEWER: We’ll start by getting you to say your name and spell it so we have it for the video.
DAVID STRIPED WOLF: Mon nom anglais?
Q. Oui.
DAVID STRIPEDWOLF: David Stripedwolf.
Q. Pouvez-vous l'épeler s'il vous plaît?
A. Loup rayé.
Q. D'où venez-vous, David?
A. Standoff, également connu sous le nom de Blood Reserve.
Q. Et à quel pensionnat avez-vous fréquenté?
A. St. Mary’s Roman Catholic School. It’s on the Blood Reserve.
Q. Quel âge aviez-vous lorsque vous avez commencé là-bas?
A. Dix.
Q. Et pendant combien d'années y êtes-vous?
R. J'y suis resté jusqu'à l'âge de seize ans. J'y suis resté six ans.
Q. Vous souvenez-vous comment c'était lorsque vous avez commencé? Vous souvenez-vous de votre premier jour et pourquoi vous y êtes allé?
A. I didn’t really understand. I knew I was going to be away from my home and my community. My grandparents kind of prepared me about what to expect. They kind of helped having that feeling you are going to the unknown. I was only ten years old. But the fear, the unknown —
Maybe I wasn’t that mature to understand. When I was brought there I was crying. My grandparents told me he had that red letter. He cannot stop. He tried to fight going to Residential School for me but he said I would go to jail because of this red letter. They called it a red letter because it was kind of red or pink. The “black robes” are coming for you. They bring you to school. They said they would bring me to school.
I was brought in a wagon with a team of horses to school. They prepared me. They bought me new clothes to go to school. My sister was ahead of me, about a year or two ahead. But she kind of prepared me what to expect, and some of my cousins had been ahead of me. They tried to tell me what I’m going to see and feel, making it more easy entering into that new world.
I was brought there but I didn’t want to go. I was held onto by my parents but the Priest and the Nuns were very kind and talked to me. My parents bought me some candies and oranges and stuff, because I always had them at home.
Anyways, as soon as they left the Nuns changed their attitude. They slapped me around a little bit to stop me crying. They were very nice when our parents were there. I always remember that. As soon as they walked away they slapped me on the head. “You stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.”
That was the message I had but I wasn’t speaking English. But I was told by the other boys what the Nun was saying. They said, “You had better listen.” They were talking to me in Blackfoot. Of course the older boys are there and they kind of tried to help me. These are the first experiences I got into.
And of course the clothes I had were taken off and they issued me some different school clothes. I always remember that we all had the same coloured shirts and same coloured pants. I remember the shirt they gave me was kind of yellow. Everybody had yellow stripes. You couldn’t tell who was who. We all looked the same. That was one of my first experiences. It was kind of a strange world, a negative experience. I seen younger kids were crying.
We were all sent to bed early. At that time in the fall there was still a lot of light. A lot of these other young ones were all crying. They called it the small boys’ room, way up at the top of that school. A lot of us were crying and of course the Nun was walking around yelling. This I never experienced at home.
The next morning some of the younger ones —
Certains avaient environ six ans, plus jeunes que moi, un peu mouillés dans leur lit. Mais les garçons plus âgés les faisaient nettoyer. Ce sont les choses qui se sont produites lorsque je suis entré pour la première fois à l'école.
And there was the language. I didn’t speak English yet but the older boys kind of interpreted and explained things to me, where I’m going to go and what they’re saying in this strange language.
Q. Que s'est-il passé s'ils vous entendaient parler dans votre langue?
A. At the time I was still young but I guess it became kind of a rule that we cannot speak our language. But I was young, still. I had not learned English. But it was forbidden. I guess they couldn’t help it because these older boys had to interpret, talk to me in my language, because I can’t speak English.
Anyways, a lot of things we were told, like to kneel down. As soon as we got up we were told to kneel down. The boys used to tell me you are supposed to kneel down beside your bed. As soon as we got up we’re going to pray. But of course I don’t understand the language and the Nun was praying and the other boys would kind of respond, or reply something. The Nun would be talking.
To me I wouldn’t say a thing for prayers. But I got down, of course.
Nous sommes tous allés à notre classe et là encore nous avons prié. Je me souviens que le père (quelque chose) était le prêtre. Il a essayé de parler un peu à Blackfoot, mais pas beaucoup. Nous pouvions comprendre ce qu'il essayait de dire, Père (quelque chose). Je suppose qu'ils l'ont appelé Catéchisme avant de commencer à faire l'autre travail.
De toute façon, je n'ai jamais revu mes parents après, ni personne. Aujourd'hui, je dirais que c'était une prison.
Q. Vous n'êtes donc jamais rentré chez vous en été ou en vacances?
R. Je n'y suis jamais allé. Je n'ai jamais vu mes vêtements. On m'a dit que mes parents pouvaient venir dimanche pour visiter. Il y avait une petite pièce là-bas. Mais bien sûr, n'ayant qu'un wagon et une attelage de chevaux et étant loin, ils ne sont venus que près d'un mois plus tard. Juste mon père est venu me voir pendant un moment et il m'a donné des bonbons. Je pleurais. Je me souviens quand il allait partir, j'ai attrapé sa jambe, tu sais. Bien sûr, la religieuse était très gentille.
Dès qu'il est parti, la religieuse m'a giflé et m'a fait asseoir dans un coin. J'ai été envoyé au lit tôt parce que j'étais un mauvais garçon, sans mon repas. Je me souviens que. Ensuite, bien sûr, ils m'ont fait peur, la façon dont j'ai été traitée. J'ai commencé à pleurer. Je me souviens de tout ça.
Les autres plus jeunes ont également subi le même traitement, giflés et envoyés au lit.
Q. Avez-vous déjà pensé à vous enfuir ou avez-vous déjà essayé?
R. J'y ai réfléchi mais j'étais trop jeune.
I never went home. It was Christmas and I was allowed one week at Christmas time when we were able to go home. They would pick us up and right after Christmas we were sent back. And the same thing we never went home until the end of June. We spent all that time —
Ce sont les autres expériences que j'ai vécues.
Then I was told that I cannot be speaking my language. The way I was brought up —
J'ai été élevé avec beaucoup de choses comme les cérémonies. On m'a interdit toutes ces choses. On nous a dit que c'était le mal et l'adoration du diable. Ils ont enseigné uniquement à la manière chrétienne. Je n'ai jamais pu le comprendre.
I was taught to speak in Latin. I became an altar boy. I was too young and I didn’t know the language, but I learned how to memorize the sound and respond at a certain place when I hear the Priest. I would respond. I was kind of practicing it. They showed us how to be an altar boy. I was too young.
But I never could understand. These are the kind of things that —
Ensuite, bien sûr, ils ont commencé à présenter des films; cowboys et indiens. Les bons étaient les Blancs. Nous étions les sauvages. J'étais trop jeune pour voir ça. Hopalong Cassidy et tous ces vieux films de cow-boy.
Ils mettent vraiment notre culture de côté par les choses qu'ils disent. C'était défectueux. Ce n'était pas une bonne culture. Ceci est le chemin.
If we got caught after I started learning to speak English I was told that I cannot talk. If I get caught talking my language I wouldn’t maybe be allowed to go home any more, like at Christmas which was the only time we get to go home. I would never see my parents. It just happened to me. But my grandparents were kind of (something) just took me out of the school. I couldn’t go home. I was too young. But they didn’t actually bring me home for a few days and bring me back to school.
These are the early experiences I had. These six years I spent I felt ashamed to be an Indian. I was always looking up to the Whites. Even our schoolbooks talked about Columbus discovered the New World and the savage people. You see a picture of Native people, dirty filthy —
Comment savez-vous à quoi ils ressemblaient à l'époque? Ensuite, vous voyez les gars blancs et ce sont de bons gars. Puis j'ai commencé à descendre et à avoir honte. Pourquoi suis-je indien?
After all those years they spent putting that in my head and they started talking about heaven and hell, I never really could understand it. But anyways even today I don’t understand the Christians. I was there for six years.
Mais nous avons été autorisés à rentrer chez nous pendant environ un mois en été.
Of course we learned to do a lot of things at the school; work, janitor work, washing and sometimes we would go out and help in the barns. Sometimes we helped at the teacher’s house cleaning the yard. But we were kind of forbidden to mix with the girls.
Q. J'allais vous demander si vous aviez pu voir votre sœur?
R. Pardon?
Q. Avez-vous pu voir votre sœur?
A. Not much. Every chance they got they come to me and ask how I was doing. Sometimes I would start crying. They were just like a mother. We looked up to them. But the boys were kind of forbidden to mix with the girls. We were segregated over there. They’ve got their own yard and we’ve got our own. The older boys were segregated, too. They’ve got their yard. They called it the Junior boys.
The older residents couldn’t look after us because the small boys were here and the big boys had different recreation rooms. The small, younger boys had that. As soon as you get older you kind of go —
Cela m'a toujours rappelé les prisons au Canada. Vous y arrivez, vous savez, et ils vous donnent un badge.
Mais je me souviens que j'avais faim.
L'INTERVIEWEUR: Cathy, vous disiez que sa femme voulait intervenir et ajouter quelques histoires qu'il lui avait racontées. Elle voulait lui rappeler.
(David Striped Wolf’s wife) He’s not getting into they can’t even talk in the Dining Room. And if a kid wets his bed he had to carry his blankets through the Dining Room. He had to carry them if he had a wet bed.
And you can’t even talk your language. They get strapped or they get punished. They only had certain hours to go to the bathroom and they can’t get out of their Dorm to go to the bathroom. They were not allowed to drink a lot of water.
Voyez, il a laissé tout cela de côté.
Q. Y a-t-il des souvenirs spécifiques de ce genre que vous aimeriez partager?
A. Sometimes I don’t want to talk about it.
— Speaker overcome with emotion.
(David Striped Wolf’s Wife) Sometimes he doesn’t like to talk about it. It brings back bad memories. He doesn’t like to break down.
— A Short Pause
R. Quoi qu'il en soit, ce sont les choses que nous avons traversées.
But what my wife was saying about the abuse, the physical and mental abuse, the loneliness we went through and seeing the other young kids, you feel helpless because you can’t help them. You were forbidden from doing that. You see the younger boys abused.
There are a lot of things today that I didn’t know because there’s no physical contact to hug somebody. We were forbidden to go and hug somebody or shake hands. There was no contact. You’re a six year old boy or a seven year old boy and you grew up like that. I was like that. A lot of us have problems showing affection to our kids. Sometimes I wanted to hug my kids but I just didn’t. I wasn’t doing that for some time.
I love my kids but I wasn’t the hugging type. Or even to communicate with them. My wife was able to talk to them and hug them and she never really experienced the things we went through.
But today I hug my grand kids but sometimes you feel it. I want a hug. The emptiness you feel. Today I have grand kids and I’m able to do that now myself and hug them, talk to them.
Q. Comment décririez-vous votre parcours de guérison depuis le pensionnat?
R. Ce sont les blessures que vous subissez lorsque vous êtes maltraité. Bien sûr, j'ai commencé à fuir l'école. Dès que j'ai grandi, j'étais un peu plus sage. Tu grandis et tu commences à voler de la nourriture parce que j'avais faim et des trucs comme ça. Nous avons appris à riposter.
J'ai commencé à fuir l'école vers l'âge de quinze ans. J'ai commencé à m'enfuir. Mais je me ferais prendre. Les flics me cherchaient et je me ferais prendre et ils me ramèneraient.
Ensuite, je serais mis avec les petits garçons parce qu'ils seraient surveillés. Ils emportaient mes chaussures. Mais parfois, je décollais sans chaussures!
Dès l'âge de seize ans, je voulais juste sortir de là.
I went out of there in ’59. I just walked out.
(David Striped Wolf’s Wife) Talk about your healing journey.
A. Then of course my grandmother was still alive on my father’s side and on my mother’s side they were still alive. They were still into the culture, the ceremonies. Of course I started drinking.
When I came out of the school I had no self esteem. I was very ashamed. I couldn’t speak English. I was only at Grade 8 level. But I still couldn’t. I was very ashamed that I might make a mistake because as soon as you speak English and you don’t speak correctly, you get slapped around. So I can’t really talk in front of other people.
Ensuite, bien sûr, je me suis mélangé. Beaucoup d'entre nous se sont mis à l'alcool. Nous l'avons découvert.
My grandparents were very shocked because I was completely changed. I had no respect for my sisters any more. I learned to swear in English. My grandmother was very shocked. I was totally different inside. My grandmother was saying I wasn’t the same boy she had raised. What did they do to you at that school? What did they teach you?
Dès que nous avons vieilli, nous savions beaucoup de choses en anglais que nous pouvions jurer. Beaucoup d'entre nous faisaient cela.
I started working for the farmers and ranchers to earn money. I learned more English from them. They taught me how to do a lot of work; mechanic work, welding. But I was drinking a lot, every pay day I was drinking. I was lost. My wife was into drinking. But it got so bad that we had kids —
Un de mes amis est venu et il m'a dit qu'il avait une religion et que je devrais peut-être le rejoindre en tant que partenaire. C'était la Horn Society. Il a dit que cela m'aiderait. Vous devez revenir.
Alors j'y suis allé avec lui, ou seul. Je suis revenu. J'ai commencé à aller chez les aînés, en quelque sorte à me réorienter vers mon mode de vie et ma culture. Il m'a donc fallu une année entière pour m'asseoir avec les anciens et les écouter. J'ai passé des heures. Une fois par mois, nous nous rassemblions tous et les anciens venaient et nous continuions. Tous les quelques jours, je rendais visite à un aîné. Nous avons passé des heures à parler. Ils m'ont en quelque sorte préparé parce que j'allais rejoindre cette société.
Ils ont commencé à parler de mon mode de vie, du mariage, de ma compagne, de ce qu'elle est pour moi et mes enfants. Cela a donc pris une année entière.
Q. I’m sorry to interrupt you. We just have to change tapes.
Nous changerons la bande rapidement et ensuite nous pourrons continuer.
— End of Part 1
— Transcriber’s Note: Tape B2 identified as David Striped Wolf is a duplicate of Tape B1. The story does not continue.