{"id":3931,"date":"2020-07-13T13:20:27","date_gmt":"2020-07-13T17:20:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/legacyofhope.ca\/?page_id=3931"},"modified":"2020-07-13T13:20:27","modified_gmt":"2020-07-13T17:20:27","slug":"lynda-macdonald","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/legacyofhope.ca\/fr\/escapingrs\/lynda-macdonald\/","title":{"rendered":"Lynda Pahpasay MacDonald"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class=\"fusion-fullwidth fullwidth-box fusion-builder-row-1 fusion-flex-container fusion-parallax-fixed nonhundred-percent-fullwidth hundred-percent-height hundred-percent-height-center-content non-hundred-percent-height-scrolling lazyload\" style=\"--awb-background-blend-mode:overlay;--awb-border-radius-top-left:0px;--awb-border-radius-top-right:0px;--awb-border-radius-bottom-right:0px;--awb-border-radius-bottom-left:0px;--awb-padding-left:0px;--awb-background-color:rgba(132,132,132,0);--awb-background-size:cover;--awb-flex-wrap:wrap;background-attachment:fixed;\" data-bg=\"http:\/\/legacyofhope.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/forestbg.png\" ><div class=\"fusion-builder-row fusion-row fusion-flex-align-items-flex-start fusion-flex-align-content-center fusion-flex-content-wrap\" style=\"max-width:calc( 1170px + 0px );margin-left: calc(-0px \/ 2 );margin-right: calc(-0px \/ 2 );\"><div class=\"fusion-layout-column fusion_builder_column fusion-builder-column-0 fusion_builder_column_1_1 1_1 fusion-flex-column\" style=\"--awb-padding-top:14px;--awb-padding-bottom:21px;--awb-bg-color:rgba(1,70,82,0.88);--awb-bg-color-hover:rgba(1,70,82,0.88);--awb-bg-size:cover;--awb-width-large:100%;--awb-margin-top-large:0px;--awb-spacing-right-large:0px;--awb-margin-bottom-large:0px;--awb-spacing-left-large:0px;--awb-width-medium:100%;--awb-spacing-right-medium:0px;--awb-spacing-left-medium:0px;--awb-width-small:100%;--awb-spacing-right-small:0px;--awb-spacing-left-small:0px;\"><div class=\"fusion-column-wrapper fusion-column-has-shadow fusion-flex-justify-content-flex-start fusion-content-layout-column\"><div class=\"fusion-title title fusion-title-1 fusion-sep-none fusion-title-text fusion-title-size-one\" style=\"--awb-margin-top-small:0px;--awb-margin-right-small:0px;--awb-margin-bottom-small:20px;--awb-margin-left-small:0px;\"><h1 class=\"fusion-title-heading title-heading-left fusion-responsive-typography-calculated\" style=\"margin:0;--fontSize:48;line-height:1.1;\"><h1 style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"color: #ffffff;\"><strong>Lynda Pahpasay MacDonald<\/strong><\/span><\/h1><\/h1><\/div><div class=\"fusion-video fusion-selfhosted-video\" style=\"max-width:100%;\"><div class=\"video-wrapper\"><video playsinline=\"true\" width=\"100%\" style=\"object-fit: cover;\" autoplay=\"true\" loop=\"true\" preload=\"auto\" controls=\"1\"><source src=\"http:\/\/legacyofhope.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/Escaping-RS-Lynda.mp4\" type=\"video\/mp4\">Sorry, your browser doesn&#039;t support embedded videos.<\/video><\/div><\/div><a class=\"fusion-modal-text-link button\" data-toggle=\"modal\" data-target=\".fusion-modal.lynda\" href=\"#\">\n<p><center>Lire le t\u00e9moignange \u00e9crit<\/center><\/a><div class=\"fusion-modal modal fade modal-1 lynda has-light-close\" tabindex=\"-1\" role=\"dialog\" aria-labelledby=\"modal-heading-1\" aria-hidden=\"true\" style=\"--awb-border-color:#ebebeb;--awb-background:#014652;\"><div class=\"modal-dialog modal-lg\" role=\"document\"><div class=\"modal-content fusion-modal-content\"><div class=\"modal-header\"><button class=\"close\" type=\"button\" data-dismiss=\"modal\" aria-hidden=\"true\" aria-label=\"Fermer\">\u00d7<\/button><h3 class=\"modal-title\" id=\"modal-heading-1\" data-dismiss=\"modal\" aria-hidden=\"true\"><\/h3><\/div><div class=\"modal-body fusion-clearfix\">\n<h2><span style=\"color: #ffffff;\">Lynda Pahpasay MacDonald<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"color: #ffffff;\">My name is Lynda Pahpasaoi McDonald and I\u2019m a First Nation\u2019s band member of Grassy Narrows First Nation. I\u2019m from Grassy Narrows First Nation and right now I live in Wabaseemoong First Nation, Whitedog, Ontario. It\u2019s my story that I\u2019ll be telling today. Well, it\u2019s important to share because of all the things that have happened, that has impacted my life and my children\u2019s and my grandchildren. And I want the youth to know in my community, and across Canada, and all First Nation\u2019s people, of what happened during that time.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #ffffff;\">It\u2019s a story of myself, my survival during the time I ran away, and a story that, I had gone with my friends, like we had run away from the school, and it had affected all the children of that school at that time because all of them ran away during that <em>une<\/em> day. It happened in 1969, I was thirteen years old at the time, and it happened at St. Margaret\u2019s Residential School in Fort Francis, Ontario\u2026 and it happened during the Fall, when school started, it was around October when that happened. It had really started off as a bad year, for everyone at that school. I had been there the year before, and I arrived at that school when I was eleven years old, that was my second year at the school. It was a bad experience from the beginning, when we went to that school. My siblings were there and my, some of my cousins were there too, and it really affected my family \u2013 like, my siblings especially \u2013 and my older sister Delaney was at that school too, and she was, I believe she was seventeen at that time, and she was very\u2026 she would protect us all the time, my siblings and my younger siblings, and every time something happened to us she would always be there to protect us. And, also my friends, she would protect my friends\u2026 and this is how it all started, because of my friend, she was attacked by a nun\u2026 and my sister, she stepped in to protect my friend. I remember that day so well, just like it happened yesterday. We were in the play room and I noticed the nurse \u2013 the nun \u2013 she was arguing with my friend, and I didn\u2019t know what she was saying to her, but I was kind of watching them and my sister came around and looked and said \u2018Hey\u2026 you have no reason to be treating her that way.\u2019 So, they got into a confrontation and they start, you know, their voices were raising and next thing you know they were <em>combat<\/em>, <em>se battre physiquement<\/em>. I was so surprised. But, my sister defended my friend and they got into an actual physical fight and I followed them and she tried to drag my sister up the stairs, but my sister fought back. And, I tried to go help her but she told me, \u2018I think you should go upstairs\u2019 you know, don\u2019t help me. Then they were fighting right on the steps and then I could see the nuns, you know, her veil flying around, you know, because she was fighting my sister. Then I ran upstairs and I told my other sister that they\u2019re fighting downstairs. So we kind of looked from above, you know she was just, they were just going at it, you know, scrapping it out. Then we were all scared, we were like really scared and my sister was\u2026 and then they stopped, and then my sister got up and ran away, like she got away from her grip and she ran out.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #ffffff;\">So, we went upstairs and we were talking, with my sister and she was talking with her friends, and they said, \u2018We don\u2019t want to stay here\u2026\u2019 you know, \u2018Let\u2019s get out, let\u2019s run away.\u2019 And she didn\u2019t want me to go with her, my older sister, she said \u2018You know if you want to go, you should maybe go with your friends.\u2019 So, I went to my friends and we start talking and we made a little plan that we were going to leave that school\u2026 that night, and it was night time. And my sister she was so \u2013 like she ran out the door, I don\u2019t know where she went \u2013 we\u2019re all kind of you know, just scared out of our wits, we don\u2019t know even what happened. And so we were all planning, I was talking with my friends and saying, \u2018We\u2019ll run out the door\u2019 and everybody \u2013 the nuns I don\u2019t know where they went \u2013 so we all, you know just grabbed our coats and our shoes and there was about six of us who ran out the door. My sister had gone earlier\u2026 and apparently at that time, when they had heard that the fight had happened, I heard, that on the other side the boys had heard the story that this happened and that the girls were running away from the school\u2026 and they start planning to run away too, the boys too &#8211; the older boys and the intermediate boys. So, a whole bunch of kids ran away that night. They all went different directions, some ran away to the State-side, some were running towards Thunder Bay, walking on the road, and some stayed downtown, like you know, trying to look for a place to sleep\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #ffffff;\">And we went by the shore, me and my friends, and we were running as fast as we could. I remember my two friends were in font of me, they were running, and then I see them like, ducking\u2026 ducking down. So I did the same thing, when I seen the line and I ducked. Then I turned around, I looked at my other friend, she didn\u2019t see the line and she goes \u201cpffft,\u201d she goes flying \u2013 she got clotheslined \u2013 and we were all standing there laughing real loud and I said \u2018Don\u2019t laugh so loud! They\u2019re going to hear us you know. Be quiet.\u2019 So, its kind of funny. Then we took off, we started running again, running through the park, then down the road, past this farm. I remember a farm and then one of my friends says, \u2018Let\u2019s go to my Auntie\u2019s house. We\u2019ll go there and sleep the night.\u2019 So we all went there. Then one of our friends, she was really afraid and really scared and she says, \u2018I don\u2019t want to get caught\u2019 like, \u2018I don\u2019t want to get punished\u2019 she was saying, \u2018I want to go back\u2019 she goes\u2026 and I was like, \u2018Yea, okay, go ahead. But be careful, just stay on the trail or on the side of the road. Don\u2019t walk directly on the road&#8230;\u2019 we\u2019re telling her, and then she, she left. So there was five of us left in the group, and we slept the night, and the Auntie she told us, \u2018I think you guys should leave because I\u2019ll get into to trouble, if I house you here.\u2019 So we told her, \u2018Okay, we\u2019ll go, we\u2019ll leave\u2019 and then we all started walking and I was saying to them, \u2018We can\u2019t walk on the street, because they\u2019ll see us. The police will see us or whatever that is looking for us\u2026\u2019 So we walked towards the tracks, and we were walking on the tracks for a bit and then we started getting further down, I said, \u2018I think we should walk in the bushes because we need to stay away from sight. The train might see us\u2026\u2019 So we climbed over this fence and I remember one of my friends, her pants got stuck on the fence, it had barbed wire on it and she ripped her pants, and we\u2019re kind of standing there laughing, \u2018Oh no, you have a big hole in your pants now\u2026\u2019 So, but anyways, we started walking and we were walking and running through bushes, along the tracks. I said, \u2018We can\u2019t do the rest, we need to run, and just keep on running\u2026\u2019 So we\u2019re running down the tracks, and stop once in a while and look around, see if you know, hear anything \u2013 \u2018Okay, let\u2019s keep on going\u2019 we\u2019re all running, and it took all day, for us to get to, near Nemo. It was about maybe\u2026 well, about a half-hour when you drive. It took us a long time to get there, when you\u2019re walking on the tracks. I said \u2018I think we need to go towards the bushes\u2019 because the highway is close to the community, and we have to avoid the community.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #ffffff;\">So, we kind of walked through the bushes and towards the side of the highway and we were passing this First Nation, it was called Manitou Rapids, and we\u2019re walking there, we\u2019re all tired, getting tired, hungry. Then we seen some people walking, there\u2019s two men, and they seen us, and they were trying to tell us to come towards them. I said, \u2018No, no don\u2019t go there\u2026\u2019 They look like they\u2019ve been drinking, I said, \u2018Let\u2019s run. Stay away from these two men\u2026\u2019 And they started chasing down the highway and we\u2019re running, and I said \u2018Run!\u2019 So we all started running real fast and they were trying to chase us. Then one of my friends lost her shoe, while she was running, then that guy grabbed it. Grabbed the shoe and said, \u2018I got your shoe, come and get it!\u2019 and then I told her, \u2018Don\u2019t go, don\u2019t go. He\u2019s going to grab you, then we wont be able to get you away\u2019 you know, \u2018Just keep on running, we\u2019ll look for another pair of shoe.\u2019 So we ran really, like for a while, then after that we took off, I told her to stop because her feet were getting sore, so I took off my socks and said \u2018Here, use that, we\u2019ll double up the socks\u2019 so you don\u2019t, you know, get sore feet. So we walked on the side of the highway, but in the bush because we didn\u2019t want to be seen. It was hard, like we\u2019re walking over branches, trees, and I said, \u2018We have to keep heading because if somebody sees us, for sure we\u2019ll get caught.\u2019<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #ffffff;\">And we walked almost the whole evening and then finally this vehicle stopped and picked us up and told us to get in the car. I looked at him first, you know, to see if he was, you know, looked dangerous. It was a white old man so we all got in. Then we told him, \u2018Can you drive us to our community? It\u2019s in Nester Falls\u2019 It wasn\u2019t our community, but he drove us to the reserve and we got there and then, one of my friends says, \u2018I have a relative here. We should and check out her house, maybe she\u2019ll let us stay for a night\u2019 And she did let us stay. For the night we were all tired and hungry and we\u2019re just\u2026. We had been sweating all day, like you know, just felt awful\u2026 and we stayed the night, that night, then the morning we\u2019re hungry. I said, \u2018We got to go now. We can\u2019t stay here\u2019 And we left, and one of the girls grabbed a loaf of bread. She grabbed one, then we all ran out, because we\u2019re hungry. Then some kids, they start chasing us and throwing rocks at us, you know, because I think they knew we stole a loaf of bread and we ran \u2013 \u2018Just keep on running, don\u2019t stop running up the hill\u2019 \u2013 the we finally outran the kids and then we were walking and we opened up a loaf of bread and we gave each other a slice of bread, because we were so hungry. Then we were like tired too at the same time. I said to them \u2018We should have a nap\u2019 and I told her, \u2018Let\u2019s climb up that big hill,\u2019 the cliff, there was a cliff. We climbed up all the way to the top and I told them I want to avoid the bears, the animals, I don\u2019t want to get, you know attacked. So we climbed on top and we all slept together on the ground, we were holding each other. We were so tired. Then we fall asleep.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #ffffff;\">So in the evening we got up because you know we had been really tired, and climbed down. \u2018Well let\u2019s start walking then,\u2019 you know, \u2018Try to make our way to Kenora\u2019 Then we start walking then this red truck stopped, and then there was a man and looks like a young boy, and he goes \u2018You guys can climb in the back\u2019 So we all climbed in the back. He told us \u2018Where are you going?\u2019 we said, \u2018Kenora\u2019 and he drove us all the way to Kenora. We were still hungry though, because we had eaten that loaf of bread then there before. Then I said, \u2018Well, I know this person\u2026\u2019 I was saying, when we got to Kenora, \u2018He\u2019s my Dad\u2019s friend, maybe he will feed us I go.\u2019 And so we went to that mans place and he fed us, and he was like \u2018What are you doing here? Aren\u2019t you supposed to be in school?\u2019 \u2018Oh no, I left the school.\u2019 Then he gave us a hot dogs \u2013 oh I remember that, I was so hungry I just ate that hotdog real fast. But, thinking about it, it was so dangerous, you know, we could\u2019ve been grabbed by some dangerous people or attacked by an animal and I didn\u2019t think of it about it at that time, I just think about survival and surviving. And, when we got to Kenora, then he says \u2018You guys can\u2019t stay here but I\u2019ll take you somewhere where you can stay\u2026\u2019 and he took us to this Fellowship Centre. He took us there and he says \u2018You guys can sleep there for the night\u2019 and that lady told us to come in. It\u2019s a big house, and I guess they allow people to sleep there so that\u2019s where we slept. And then during the evening, we were just sitting there, talking, what are we going to do now? Like, you live over here, you guys live in Red Lake, one lives in Air Falls and you passed your home like that&#8230; and, these people kept on coming and just looking at us, and their going\u2026 \u2018No, that\u2019s not ours, they\u2019re not our kids\u2019 Then another group of people came in, looked at us &#8211; and when I think about now, I think they were people from St. Mary\u2019s School and Cecil Jeffrey School because they were north \u2013 and so, anyways, we said, \u2018I think there\u2019s going to be people looking for us, so we\u2019re going to have to come up with a story, how did we get here\u2019 and so we said, \u2018Well, lets say we all met together in Kenora, our parents abandoned us so we got in as group and hung around together,\u2019 you know, just for protection, you know protecting one another. So that was our story, \u2018Okay we\u2019ll stick to that story\u2019<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #ffffff;\">And we\u2019re just like, thirteen years old, twelve years old and eleven years old. All of us were you know, just kids. And so anyways, this person comes in\u2026 it was a CAS worker, we didn\u2019t know at the time though eh, it was a CAS worker, when he came in and started asking questions. So we stuck to our story \u2013 \u2018Oh, oh okay.\u2019 \u2013 Then he looks at me and says, \u2018I think that I know you.\u2019 He goes to me\u2026 and I said, \u2018Yea?\u2019- \u2018Is your Mom and your Dad Marcel and Rosie Pahpasay?\u2019 I was like \u2018yea\u2026 well they left me in town\u2019 I was going, you know. \u2018Oh okay. Hmm. Okay, I\u2019ll give you a ride home,\u2019 he goes to me. So I said \u2018Okay, sounds good\u2019 I just said that and the other ones, he\u2019s talking to the other girls and, \u2018Where you from?\u2019 \u2013 \u2018I\u2019m from Red Lake\u2019 one was saying, and the other one said she was from Ear Falls. \u2018Oh okay, I\u2019ll get you a bus ticket. I\u2019ll send you guys home\u2019 So he sent the girls home and the other two girls lived in Kenora and then they went to home. So then there was just me and my other friend who were left. Then he says \u2018Oh I gotta go to Indian Affairs you want to go with me, go for a ride?\u2019 We said \u2018Okay\u2019 so we went with him.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #ffffff;\">And I went upstairs and sat on a chair reading then all of a sudden I hear this man coming around the corner, then all of a sudden \u2018<em>Que fais-tu ici<\/em>!?\u2019 He goes, this guy eh. Then I just looked, I recognised him. He was an Indian Affairs Agent, and he was the one who\u2026 that transported us to the Residential School in Fort Francis. And I got caught right there and I just looked at him, I was like, \u2018Ummm\u2026 nothing.\u2019 And then the CAS worker was there and he was just laughing, \u2018Oh my god. I just fell for your story!\u2019 he goes. So anyways, I was kind of disappointed that I got caught but I just went with it. The he says to me, \u2018I\u2019m going to take you home anyway. We\u2019ll go see your parents, see if they\u2019ll let you stay home\u2019 so he took me and they, my other friend stayed behind with the worker, that Indian Affairs worker. So, anyways, they drove me to Jones and that\u2019s where my parents were &#8211; it was maybe about an hour drive \u2013 and we got there, and my mom and dad were real surprised to see me, \u2018What are you doing here?\u2019 In all surpriseness. I said \u2018I ran away from school, I didn\u2019t want to stay there. And then, my Dad, you know he was just surprised, \u2018That\u2019s a long ways!\u2019 he goes, you know, \u2018That\u2019s really far\u2019 he was saying. He was just shaking his head, surprised that we made it all the way and I was only thirteen years old. And my mom, she was happy to see me, you know. Then the worker was talking to them, the CAS worker, \u2018Do you want her to stay, or what would you like me to do?\u2019 And my parents, my Dad says, \u2018I want her to go back to school. I don\u2019t want her to miss school.\u2019 Right away, I was so\u2026 I was devastated. And my mom, she explained to me why I had to go back to school and she was just holding me\u2026 It was an awful feeling. I know I had to go back though, because I really love my Dad and my Mom\u2026. And I left. I said, \u2018okay, I\u2019ll go back\u2026 to school.\u2019 My Mom cried, she cried\u2026 and, it was heartbreaking, like my, like I stood there and cried and my Grandpa came over, and he hugged me, he says, he said to me \u2018You be strong. You will learn a lot of things if you go back to school.\u2019 So I love my Grandpa a lot too, he hugged me and he was saying, \u2018Don\u2019t worry\u2019 he says. \u00a0And my Dad came along, course you know, he\u2019s trying to be happy, and he says to me, he says, Daanis, he goes, \u2018You have to go back. Here. I\u2019ll give you five dollars,\u2019 he gives me five dollars. In those days that was a lot.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #ffffff;\">And, I guess being separated from my parents was the worst that you can feel as a child. Even today, I still think about my parents. They\u2019re gone now, but you know, I think about them a lot, and they went through so much. Losing all their children. That day was hard, but when I think about it, it kind of\u2026 it made me respect my parents, I wanted to listen to them. Even though I didn\u2019t see them that much, I still love my parents. But anyways, I went back, and the CAS worker came back and picked me up. And I took my five dollars and \u2013 I was mad at my Mom for a while, when she said \u2018You have to go back\u2019 and I said, \u2018I know. I have to go back.\u2019 I left my other, my little sister behind, I told her, I said \u2018I\u2019ll go back and watch over her too.\u2019<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #ffffff;\">So, I was taken back and they put us on a bus and I was sent back to school \u2013 but before that all happened, we had talked along the way, me and the CAS worker, and I told him, \u2018You know, I don\u2019t like going to that school because they\u2019re so mean, they\u2019re abusive\u2026\u2019 They beat up my little sister one time on the stairs and they dragged her. They dragged her upstairs and I seen that and I tried to help her, and I was physically abused too, by trying to help her. They grabbed our hair and our ears\u2026 it was really, I don\u2019t know, it was really like, that had never happened to me before, like being beaten up in school. They strapped us real hard, with that big strap. If one of the girls got into trouble they would get a strap. Then after I told him, like, \u2018They\u2019re mean, they fight us and sometimes they don\u2019t feed us that much and we\u2019re always hungry\u2019 and I told him that, and I said, \u2018I don\u2019t want to go back, but I know I have to go back.\u2019 Then he says to me, \u2018Well if anything happens to you, you give me a call\u2019 and he gave me a phone number, \u2018You call me here and ill come and get you\u2019 he says to me, I says \u2018okay\u2019 so, \u2018but I\u2019ll go back to school I told him.\u2019 He was a nice CAS worker\u2026 Then we was put on the bus, went back with my friend, and she wanted to get off half-way to Fort Francis, I said \u2018No, I promised my Mom I would go back. So I\u2019m going back.\u2019 And so, she stayed on the bus too.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #ffffff;\">We made it all the way and then we were taken to the principal and the priest and he took her in and then she left. Then I went in, and he says \u2018You\u2019re going to be punished, he told me. You\u2019re going to get the strap\u2019 And I said to him, \u2018Well if you do that to me,\u2019 I said, \u2018I have to call the CAS worker and I have to call him if you touch me.\u2019 Then he was real, you know, he kind of looked shocked and angry at the same time. And he says, \u2018Well you\u2019re still going to get punishment. It doesn\u2019t matter. I wont hit you but you will have to do other stuff\u2019 he said. So, I agreed, like, to do writing and more work \u2013 like washing the floors, walls, stuff like that. He told me, \u2018But you can go upstairs, with the nun, and you have to see what you would have got\u2019 he told me, \u2018Your friends are going to get this because of you\u2019 he told me. So I went upstairs and I seen all my friends laying on their beds\u2026 they had their pajamas down and they were given a big strap, on their bums, and I remember watching them\u2026 you know they were just so black and blue, on their bums, my friends\u2026 and my other friends that run away, and that, left an image in my mind, all these years I can still see it. And it was so, like, I guess like traumatizing, to have that image. But, I kind of expected that at that time, because I got the strap too, when I was younger, maybe when I was about five, six years old , I had been strapped in the same areas, because I had tried running away too, when I was a young little girl, and I got caught, me and my sister got caught. You know, we were just little tiny kids and we got the strap\u2026 and they hit me so hard on my hand, that it broke open and it started to bleed. That\u2019s how hard she hit me. And I remember that, just watching the blood coming out, like almost went in shock or something. And at that time, the nun just stood there you know, just surprised at what she had done. And when I was in St. Margaret\u2019s watching my friends getting the strap by that, to see them hurt, like you know, and crying. It made me cry too. I was just standing there crying, thinking it was all my fault&#8230;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #ffffff;\">But that experience, you know it just made me realize that, that in the system, like Residential School where they abused us, they were allowed to do it and we couldn\u2019t fight back. I know my sister fought back but you know, she paid a price for that too, and they sent her to reform school, and she was sent away\u2026 and that happened to my other sister too, she was sent to reform school, because we had all run away at that time. She got sent to a reform school in southern Ontario somewhere and she told me what happened to her, she said that she was \u2013 I think that they put some kind of\u2026. you know when they electrocute kids or something? \u2013 They did that to her. They put it on her head, she said, and her and her friend\u2026 and she says she doesn\u2019t remember after that, what had happened. She doesn\u2019t remember that whole year she said, and just lost all her memory she said\u2026 and then, I remember not being there, at this school, and the following year I didn\u2019t want to go back. I told the Indian Agent that I didn\u2019t want to go back, because we were physically abused, and after all that physical abuse, like you know, it made me, I guess, an angry young woman. I used to get into fights also, I used to start to fight back. It was really\u2026 Before we went to Residential School, like my life with my parents and my grandparents, they never hit us, never. We used to be on the trap line, like we lived on the trap line, and there was always love with my parents, my grandparents, just our family, having fun in the bushes, you know, running around and helping my parents, go there picking and stuff like that\u2026 I remember those days, they were just, wonderful, you know, good memories.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #ffffff;\">But when they had come and picked us up on a plane \u2013 you know, they took us together on the plane, they told us \u2018There\u2019s some candy at the back of the plane, go get it.\u2019 So we went. Me and my sisters, all curious, you know. Then I remember just looking outside before we were taken to the plane, looking at the water, the still and all shiny. I remember that day so well. And we got into the plane and then we flew away in the plane and the tricked us to get into the plane, and I said \u2018Where are we <em>Aller<\/em>?\u2019 And, I remember looking out and seeing my Mom, she was standing by the gates and the water, and she was holding her hands up in the air &#8211;\u00a0 you could see my Dad, I think he was trying to calm her down\u2026 and that, stayed in my memory. And I must have only been about five or six years old, I must have been that age and it devastated my parents\u2026 It totally destroyed my parents, they lost their way after that, they became alcoholics, while we were gone, they kind of gave up. They didn\u2019t trap anymore, they were told to go back to the main community and they got a house and it was never the same. We lost our parents \u2013 they were there, physically \u2013 but they lost their spirit. And it affected all my siblings, because there was thirteen of us in my family, thirteen siblings, and we were all severely affected. Most of my siblings were alcoholics, some of them committed suicide. I know two of them committed suicide. And others lost and died from alcoholism.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #ffffff;\">But when I met my partner he was in Residential School too, and we were just kids, we start hanging out together and we were just kids. I was fifteen and he was fourteen, we started off with that age. It was a rough life though, you know, because we were alone we didn\u2019t know <em>rien<\/em>, we had no&#8230; They didn\u2019t teach us anything about parenting, you know how to raise a child, nothing. It was, we just had to learn from scratch\u2026 but his Dad, my husband\u2019s Dad, was, he turned to traditional practices, ceremonies, stuff like that, he starts following the traditional way of life\u2026 and I got to know them, and he start telling me how we were living, was not great \u2013 \u2018You need to follow your traditional ways\u2019 \u2013 I didn\u2019t know nothing about it. I didn\u2019t know nothing about the feather, the eagle feather, ceremonies, nothing, because we had lost everything in Residential School, you know. I lost my language, I lost my connection with my parents, my grandparents\u2026 and he showed me, like, this is how we used to live long time ago, our culture. He told me you have to relearn your language, how to speak back to anishinaabemowin, he told me. He taught us everything, me and my husband we learned everything back, and then from there we stop drinking\u2026 and we had three sons and we start doing the traditional ceremonies and participating in dancing and stuff and I\u2019ve been sober ever since then \u2013 once I followed my traditional way of life. But in the community where we are, there a lot of kids that were in Residential School, and the intergenerational impacts\u2026 its devastating to watch. Like some of them follow back to their traditional way of life \u2013 we did, and we stopped drinking \u2013 and we tried to raise our boys the same way but they were caught in that web of the community where they drank and stuff like that. I did my best to teach my boys, but I lost my one son\u2026 just three years ago, from alcoholism. He passed away. He was my oldest son. It was devastating because I lost my parents, my grandparents and my siblings, and finally my son. It was all from intergenerational impacts of Residential School and trauma.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #ffffff;\">His Dad had gone to Residential School too, my husband\u2019s Dad, and he knew how they had work to take us away and how they destroyed our family. And my Mom and my Dad they died from heart failure because they couldn\u2019t have their kids. They lost us through Residential School and my younger siblings they all got taken to foster care, Sixties Scoop, they were all put into care. It totally devastated my Mom, she just kind of lost her way\u2026 and she gave up. She was a broken woman. I had only one chance to hug her once\u2026 when I was twenty-seven, only one time I hugged her and I told her I loved her. That was the only time. After that, she just drank and gave up\u2026 and she passed away in 1993. She passed away in Winnipeg, she was a street person, she wandered around the streets. But we still loved her, every time I saw her I would go and see her and give her a hug. She was lost and my Dad too, same thing, he was lost he couldn\u2019t do anything he couldn\u2019t trap, he couldn\u2019t fish, everything was taken away\u2026 and he passed away in Kenora. He was older, but he was a lost man too, he never worked after he lost all the children. There\u2019s only just a few of us left now, my older sister and four of my other sisters we\u2019re still\u2026 but we all went through a hard life through alcoholism and now as we are getting older getting sickly so&#8230;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #ffffff;\">Mais la raison pour laquelle je voulais raconter mon histoire, je veux que mes petits-enfants le sachent, je veux que mes arri\u00e8re-petits-enfants le sachent, j&#039;ai des arri\u00e8re-petits-enfants que vous savez, et je veux que les jeunes de notre communaut\u00e9 et de tout le Canada et nos terres <em>conna\u00eetre <\/em>what happened to us. How we suffered. There\u2019s a lot of other things that happened to us, my sisters went through <em>beaucoup<\/em> too, they were physically abused, sexually abused\u2026 and same with my brothers, my younger brothers\u2026 before they passed away they told me what happened in that school and they told me it was sexual abuse and I was so shocked like I didn\u2019t know that had happened to him\u2026 and he died too, of alcoholism. He didn\u2019t live to see the day where we\u2019re able to tell our stories and he never got to see anything like, compensation or nothing, he died before all of that &#8211; it came out &#8211; and me and my sister, my sisters the three of us, we have talked about what happened to us, and we did a walk across, a walk from Vancouver to Ottawa one time. Many years back, you know because she was still angry \u2013 \u2018It<em> a<\/em> to be told.\u2019 \u2013 she said, and I said it has to be told because we have to tell it for our grandkids, and our children\u2026 and to love our children, you know, hug our children, no matter what happens you know, we love each other\u2026 and I try to hug my grandkids all the time, and my great-grandkids. You know, we didn\u2019t have that. That kind of love. But, it made me more strong, I think, you know, more resilient, and I\u2019ve gone through the whole thing \u2013 you know, abuse, physical abuse, in school \u2013 and my other children too. And, that was a new thing for me. When I went to school, it was really&#8230; it just totally ruined some lives and it almost ruined mine &#8211; but to my husbands Dad, he was kind of the one who put me on the right road. I didn\u2019t know nothing about my culture and the teachings, and he taught us all that, and I was able to recover, you know, to learn that.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #ffffff;\">And I think that\u2019s\u2026 I guess it was because I wanted to get away from the school, like, I wanted to go back to where my parents were, when I was a young child, that\u2019s what I wanted. I was so lonely I wanted to go back home, and that\u2019s why we ran away, me and my sister. The first time, when we little kids\u2026 and I guess the abuse, we were already being abused at that time &#8211; physical abuse and emotional and sexual abuse too. So we were younger, and the second time we ran away it was mostly the physical abuse and emotional and the loneliness also, like you know, we were kept separate when we were in Residential School, you know my siblings, they kept us apart, but we managed to sneak together at certain times and it was like a scary experience. I remember when I was a little girl, they locked us \u2013 we were crying me and my sister \u2013 and they locked us in a closet, and there was just a little hole above the door where we could see a light come in. I remember that very well\u2026 and I was, you know, afraid of the dark all the time when I was younger. When I was older, like we got into a lot of physical fights when we were in school, with other kids or like, other, we were sent to non-native schools, so got into a lot of fights there and just the experience of being abused and fought and we were told we were \u2018Savages\u2019 or \u2018You\u2019re stupid\u2019 or stuff like that\u2026 and just emotional abuse was, you know, was just horrendous, I don\u2019t know any child that would want to stay there when you\u2019re getting treated that way. So that was the reason why we wanted to get out of there and you know, go home. We just ran, we just ran spur of the moment, you know, we see a chance, you know me and my sister \u2013 you know, there\u2019s nobody around, the road\u2019s right there, and we\u2019re, \u2018Let\u2019s go.\u2019 \u2013 so we took off and ran down the road. That was the first time, and of course we got caught, because we were just little. The second time, we didn\u2019t plan, but we just all took off at the same time with the other kids. No planning, we didn\u2019t have no food, we didn\u2019t have no warm clothing, we didn\u2019t have anything, you know, anything for protection. We just left, that\u2019s how desperate we were to get out of there, you know. So, that was that. We didn\u2019t plan anything.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #ffffff;\">I\u2019m just hoping that\u2026 this wont repeat itself, history wont repeat itself. But in my view, like right now, the present\u2026 there\u2019s Aboriginal Child Family Services and its seems to be repeating itself. I see a lot of kids going through turmoil, you know being separated from their parents and I\u2019m hoping that these Child Family Services will look at the families first, you know they need to be together, or have the families heal, you know, the parents. A lot of parents have lost their way, you know through alcoholism, drugs, and they need to be healed. And, I think that the communities need to get together and work to save the families and the young families and to teach them \u2013 you know, the traditional teachings, and seven teachings, the sacred medicines &#8211; they need to teach them all that, you know to save our children. Because you know there\u2019s so many kids being lost into care now, there\u2019s <em>tant<\/em>, and it seems to be repeating itself again \u2013 the history. And I know, because I used to be a worker, a CFS worker, and I had the experience of grabbing <em>un b\u00e9b\u00e9, un nouveau-n\u00e9<\/em> from the hospital, and I was told to do it and I couldn\u2019t say no, because that was my boss right\u2026 and I could feel the anguish of the Mom, as I took the baby\u2026 and seeing the children being taken away from the parents, I just relived that memory\u2026 then I didn\u2019t last that long, working as a CFS worker. I resigned. I said I don\u2019t want to take kids away from their families. This is it for me, there\u2019s got to be a better way to do this\u2026 you know to heal the families, and the children they shouldn\u2019t be going through that. I could see the tears, you know, from the Mother and it\u2019s heartbreaking.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #ffffff;\">S&#039;aimer, <em>l&#039;amour<\/em>, take care of each other. You know, let&#8217;s put away the racism, you know, the colour\u2026 you know, we\u2019re neighbours now we need to get along and help each other out. It&#8217;s amazing to see how people are so stuck up in their roles, of superiority of whatever, and they&#8217;re trying to disrupt our lives. We have our own lives, you know, we want to keep our children. There\u2019s no need to take them away. You just have to let us heal. Let\u2019s get along\u2026 And they talk about Reconciliation \u2013 well let\u2019s make that work \u2013 Reconciliation. Work on it\u2026 and that\u2019s what I want to tell the Canadians, you know. On our land, lets get along, you know follow the wampum belt, we\u2019re supposed to be working side-by-side\u2026 and the treaties, you know, follow the treaties\u2026 You know, we let you come here, lets get along, you know&#8230; and help our families out and just work together\u2026 and keep our children sacred, <em>les aime<\/em>\u2026 and that\u2019s my message.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div><div class=\"modal-footer\"><button class=\"fusion-button button-default button-medium button default medium\" type=\"button\" data-dismiss=\"modal\">Fermer<\/button><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3899,"parent":3242,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"100-width.php","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-3931","page","type-page","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.3 - 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